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Saturday, April 23, 2016

Upcoming new book: One of the unedited stories in "Inspirational Stories for Individuals on Dialysis".

Coming soon in the late Spring of 2016


 Tonie: Lona am I a burden?

Tonie is 49 and currently resides in South Carolina. He is married to his wife Lona for 28 beautiful years, and has five children from their union. At the age of 47 is when Tonie noticed something was wrong with his body. One winter day, Tonie was coming home from his office job, when he felt extremely dizzy and had to hold onto the walls and the furniture to walk into his bedroom. His wife Lona suggested that he goes to the hospital to get checked out, but he insisted that his issue was because of the stress of working too hard on the job. As the days passed Tonie became more and more sick, and on the fourth day of being sick, he decided to take his wife’s advice and go to the hospital. When he was evaluated at the hospital, the doctors recommended that he be admitted for more extensive testing. Tonie began to protest being admitted, but his wife assured him that it was for his well-being. Tonie was admitted and the test results showed that he had stage five renal failure. The doctors still didn’t have the answers as to what caused the renal failure, because Toni never had a family or personal history of high blood pressure or diabetes. Some tests were still pending as to the real reason of the failure of his kidneys. In the meantime, the doctors and his wife returns back into Tonie’s room, and he gets the news from the doctors concerning his condition. Tonie began to burst into tears and scream and holler out of fear. The nurses try calming him down as well as the doctors and his wife. After Tonie is calm the medical team leaves.
Lona comes closer to Tonie’s beside with a hopeful but worried look on her face.
Toni: Tears in his eyes. Lona why has this happened to me dear? I just don’t know what to do right now.
Lona: Rubbing Tonie’s shoulder Darling it is ok; the doctor said that there is hope by going on dialysis. They are preparing to put a catheter in your chest soon so that you can begin treatment. Things will get better ok honey?
Tonie Ok honey, but I just don’t know what I have done to have this happened to me. Why me? Tonie looks worried and upset.
Lona sits down besides Tonie in the chair by his bed.
Lona: Tonie darling, I understand the circumstances right now babe, but we are in this together honey. Don’t worry about anything. Right now I will be in the other room speaking to the doctors concerning more detail concerning your dialysis treatments just rest. Ok? Lona gets up and go finds the doctors to speak with them concerning Tonie.
Tonie: Ok babe, thanks for everything, you’re right all I need is rest right now. Tonie relaxes back in his hospital bed and just stares up into the ceiling and begins to wonder.
Tonie begins to think of all of the things he may have done wrong to cause his renal failure and begins blaming himself. He’s experiencing different feelings all at the same time of anger, depression, sadness and hopefulness. He tries to stay positive but the words of the diagnosis are weighing him down.
The nurses and doctors soon come into his room and explain that they will perform a procedure to insert a catheter so that he can do dialysis. They also explain that he will be undergoing treatment on the hemodialysis K machine for four hours, three times a week at the hospital and at his future clinic. Tonie’s wife comes by his side and assures him that everything will be ok, and that their children plan to visit him in the hospital soon. Tonie’s worries even more about the procedure, but is relieved to know he will have a few visitors to comfort him. Later on that night the catheter was place and Tonie began his first dialysis treatments in the hospital. Tonie’ began improving slowly and even felt slightly happy & hopeful to be back to himself again.
In the next couple of days Toni has many relatives come and visit him as well as his children. He feels a sense of hope, and security with the love and support shown. A few months pass by and he is released from the hospital to home sweet home.
His wife Lona has worked with the medical team to find Tonie a dialysis facility near his home, before leaving the hospital. He begins starting treatment at that facility and he has so many mixed emotions flooding through his head. He is grateful for the dialysis treatments, but he feels like he is a burden to his wife.
As the months passes by, Tonie has begin having even more health issues. He had a light stroke and is having difficulty walking and doing the tasks that he is use to doing.
Lona recently quit her good job to give Tonie, all of her attention and make sure that he is ok. Tonie feels so sad about this and doesn’t know what to do but to look at hospice care. He doesn’t want to be a burden to his wife or family, so he begins to give up hope all over again.
It was a Monday evening on a cool sunny day and Tonie had just finished his 4 hour treatment, and is waiting outside for his oldest son Mike to pick him up from the dialysis facility. While waiting he decides to phone his wife and tell her of his latest decision.
Lona: Hey babe, what’s up? How are you feeling? I have your favorite meal waiting for you when you come home. Did Mike pick you up yet?
Tonie: Sighs. Babe, I’ve decided to make a decision that would end the burden the I am causing.
Tonie: Lona, well I’ll tell you when I get home, because I want you to be cool, calm and collected, you know the three C’s? 
Lona: Yep I sure do know the three C’s, but my man ain't about to tell me some nonsense.
Mike spots his father outside the dialysis facility and pulls up in front of him.
Tonie: Mike just pulled up, so I will see you soon honey. And hopefully you will be the 3 C’s when I get home. Tonie greets his son, gets in the car and goes home.
Tonie arrives home to the smell of his favorite food cooking in the kitchen; baked chicken and Cajun rice. Lona comes out of the kitchen looking fabulous with her chef apron on, and begins setting the plates to the table. Mike takes off his coat and runs to the back to straighten up and come back out for dinner.
Lona: Well what are you looking at hun? It’s time to eat. Lona laughs and shrugs. 
Tonie: Just happy to be home and I thank-you for everything that you have done, hon. I just feel sometimes that I am a burden to you. Tonie goes to the back to change his clothes and freshen up and Lona follows him with a worried expression.
Lona: Now Tonie, what are you talking about? Is this about the word “decision” you mentioned earlier? Lona puts her hands on her hips.
Tonie: Takes off his shoes and sits on the bed. Lona, I love you dear, I deeply care for you, but it pains me to know how much you and the kids have sacrificed for me. I don’t want to go on any longer like this dear. I prefer hospice treatment at this point honey.
Lona begins crying.
Tonie: Now honey, don’t cry please, this is the best decision right now. I’m tired of depending on others to help me and see about me.

Lona: Wiping her tears. Honestly Tonie, I don’t mind sacrificing my all for you and none of us have complained about being by your side, because we love you. I made a vow at the wedding altar to be there for you in sickness and in health. For years, you have been there for me and the kids time and time again. When I cut my finger off in the car accident and couldn’t work, you did everything for me. You are a good husband Tonie, and father. You have made time out of your busy work schedule to be at every game our children had, and was supportive of them in different unique ways. Your old co-workers are still calling to see how you are doing as well as the many organizations you have donated to over the years. It really hurts me to hear this from you Tonie. Although I do respect your decision to receive hospice care, I want you to know that this decision affects me negatively. I will be without a husband to love and care for, and our children would be without their father. All because his father felt that he was a burden. How many times do we all have to tell you that YOU ARE NOT A BURDEN TONIE. I just can’t deal Tonie, with this kind of talk.

Again Tonie, I respect your decision, but at the same time I disagree with it. I just want you to give it more thought babe. Lona voice trails off with tears still failing down her cheeks she sits on the bed by Tonie and he puts his hand on her shoulders and wipes her tears.
Tonie: Ok babe don’t cry. It’s very rare that I see you like this. It hurts me just to see you crying like this. Honey I don’t mean to hurt you or our family in any way. Lona slowly interrupts. 
Lona: It gave me joy to quit my job to be here for you. It is even better for me not working at that crazy job. With our savings I was able to open up a laundromat and everything is working out. I do have the time to love you hunny. Lona cries again and puts her head in her hands.
Tonie: Babe...Babe! Look at me! Tonie raises Lona’s head and wipes her tears. Honey I will never do something to hurt you, forget about the hospice decision OK? I didn’t think that life was worth living but I see know how valuable my presence is to you, as well as the kids. Tonie then begins crying and mumbling. Baby I’m sorry for hurting you like this.
Later that evening after the crying mixed with hope, they both went into the kitchen to warm up the food then to the dining room to eat.
What Tonie didn’t know was that Lona had created a display board of encouragement. Many of Toni’s friends and co-workers as well as relatives put pictures on the display board, as well as notes of encouragement and inspiration. Lona was trying to save this surprised for Christmas, but felt that Toni really needed this extra boost of encouragement now. After dinner she surprised Tonie with a beautiful display board full of hope and inspirations from everyone he knew and those he didn’t even remember. He was overjoyed and hugged Lona.
From that day forth, Tonie values each day he wakes up, and began viewing dialysis as a stepping stone to encourage others in the waiting area to appreciate life.
Tonie now takes pictures of each patient that comes into the waiting room and once the pictures are developed he and Lona places the picture in a card, and writes a word of hope and love to that patient. Now when anyone sees Tonie he is as happy as he can be. By the way his health is even improving because of the joy he has which keeps him finding ways to eat and live healthy. He visits his peers in the hospital and takes a display board filled with pictures of the encouragement and inspiration of hope that he and Lona created together. Tonie is a changed man, and his wife Lona couldn’t have been a happier woman. From her understanding how to show her husband that he is really loved, has made him into a better, and changed man.

4 Inspirational Reflections
1. Many individuals helpless and hate relying on people who love them to help them. There must be a constant reminder on how much a person means and how valuable their life is.
2. All it takes many times is that one project board of motivation and encouragement, which gives a person hope and a future.
3. Love is the most powerful tool that a person can have. Love can turn someone’s sorrow and pain into joy and strength by the realization that they can really make it through their storm.
4. If an individual still decides to continue with hospice care, still support and be by their side till the end. Their emotions and feeling matter the most, because this is their life that they are living. You want your companion, relative or friend to be happy no matter what. BE THAT SUPPORT!

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Thank-You for reading this blog written by me Cassia Ann Hill, have a blessed day~
dialysis technicians